May. 12th, 2010

12.05.10

May. 12th, 2010 09:53 am
whitenoise: (blackadder)
This whole 'Steve going to school' thing blows bollocks. His new hours are 8.30am to 5pm which is fine--since Iain doesn't want to walk from our house to school, he opted to stay at his mom's since it's closer to the school. Normally Steve drops Iain off at his mom's when he goes to work since it's only an hour difference but if he was going to do it with these new hours, Iain would have to get up at 5am, since Steve leaves the house by 6.30am. I'd be perfectly fine with getting him up at his normal time and out the house in time, but he doesn't want to walk, and his mom agreed to it, so whatever, fuck her too.

I guess Iain is grounded (Steve found this out yesterday when he dropped Iain's laptop off at the ex's house). He was trying to get Iain to tell him what happened but dear old stepdad kept butting in and adding shit to the conversation, and there's really not a lot Steve can do if Iain decides to stay around there (Steve doesn't try to override the rules in their house if they don't do it on ours). Iain really has the choice to come back here for the remainder of the week, but he doesn't want to, so that's his choice.

But yeah, the school thing sucks. He comes home absolutely knackered at the end of the day since it's like 9 hours of study and lecturing, he does homework and reading, and then we go to sleep. I don't talk to him a lot since I try to give him a lot of time to study since he has problems with it, but he's getting a little worn down. He's used to having his free time when he's off the clock, but now he really doesn't have any. But, it's a free course, it'll look good on his CV if he ever leaves DHL, and he said he won't take on the extra responsibilities this license entails unless they agree to a pay raise to £35k a year (if only because it's a buttload more responsibility than he has now, and he can get in legal trouble if he fucks up on certain things). Some of the info he knows already since it's about drivers and their hours and record-keeping, so he's trying to focus on the crap he doesn't know more than anything.

It feels like I'm really just by myself, which I am most of the time anyway. But, it should be over this week, and he takes the test on June 4th, so hopefully all goes well since I know he's a bit nervous about it.

I still haven't called the doctor yet--I think I'm extremely hesitant to call them up and be like 'yo, I'm pretty mentally fucked up, halp'. It's pulling teeth to get me to go to the doctor unless something is really bad, and at this rate Steve's going to phone up and make the damn appointment for me...which I almost wish he'd do. I don't have enough bollocks to do it myself, but if he made it, it'd force me to go. Meh.

I'm having babeh urges again, I guess in part since it's that time of the month. I keep telling myself I'm wanting one for the wrong reasons since I always second-guess myself over *everything*. I'm worried I want one in order to validate why I exist and why I'm sticking around (i.e. I'd be a mom, I'd *have* to be here), or that I want to make myself more important to Steve (which rationally I know I don't have to do, but like I said, a part of my brain is highly irrational, and it's quite loud). But I also have to accept that it's a natural progression of things--stuff seems somewhat settled between me and Steve after 4 years together, our money is okay, and I'm going to be 25 in May. It's a lot of emotional stuff, and biology at work, and yeah. The practical thing holding me back is our living situation, but I guess Steve would just go to the housing association and get us put back on the list for a 3 bedroom. It'd take about 12 months to get placed, but most of that would be during my pregnancy, and we could survive for a couple months bunking with a baby. But like I said, I always second-guess myself, so who knows wtf will happen, but I keep thinking about babies off and on and it just sucks when you're not sure what you're doing about it : /

I got to 80 on my druid finally, which has felt like forever since I've been dicking around a lot on the way. So now starts the slow grind of reps, emblems, and monies so I can have epic flying form, and the wait for Cataclysm. We did 'unofficially' preorder ours at Gamestation, but we might have it sent from play.com since it's free shipping and they guarantee delivery on the day of release. We didn't put any money down at Gamestation, so it's an idea. And I still want a celestial steed, not entirely sure why--maybe I'm tired of having fail mounts. Steve has all the luck with them--white polar bear from Storm Peaks, two blue drakes from random heroic Oculus runs (one on his hunter, the other on dk). And I'm still doing polar bear dailies and stupid eggs from the Oracles *headdesk*

And now since I need the loo, it's a good time to stop. What a random fucking post.

~Tams

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