May. 17th, 2010

17.05.10

May. 17th, 2010 09:54 am
whitenoise: (condoms)
Steve doesn't know this yet, but I've started keeping track of my cycles--like on paper. I realized I really have no clue about it except it shows up every 3 weeks or so, but beyond that I'm clueless. I don't know what I'll do with the information just yet, but if we do decide we want to try for a baby it's good to know just how my body works.

I don't know if I'll bring the baby thing up again with him--I did a few months ago, but it feels really unresolved to me for some reason. But it's a bad time to do it with his CPC course/testing hanging over his head, so maybe I'll wait until he's taken the test.

We went to our nephew's birthday party yesterday; we didn't know about the party until a couple hours beforehand, but we wanted to see Michele's new house (Michele being Steve's sister) so we figured, what the hell. It was decently good fun methinks for being short-notice (on our part), and there was some booze around so that's always a plus I suppose. But it also made that baby feeling I have ten times worse being around a 2 year old, and Riley is pretty damn awesome methinks. He's definitely not shy, since he went right up to Steve and sat with him and didn't whine once, and he managed to say my name a couple of times (but couldn't say Steve's, lolol).

But like I've said before, I'm afraid my motivations are wrong; I always second-guess decisions I make unless I have someone completely backing me up on it. And I'd like to think Steve would back me up on this, since he's said something similar to it in the past, but it's not like we really can start trying to concieve right now anyway. I guess I need to suck it up and talk to him about it (again), and then if we decide for real to go for it, I'll talk to our doctor and see what I need to start doing. From what I understand, she'd recommend I start taking certain supplements while trying to concieve, and stay away from alcohol (which is fine), smoking (which I don't do, and Steve can do when I'm not around) and drugs (no fucking problem there). But it all starts with A Talk with The Husband, so we'll see : /

Maybe it's all just my anxieties at not having my future planned out in minute detail--I spent so much time wishing I could live with Steve that now that I've done it, I'm not sure where to go next. In a few years, once my visas are sorted, I'd like to go back to school--but I won't do it if I have a baby, since I'd want to stay home at least until he or she is in school full-time, then I'd think about trying to get into a nursing program. But I don't know *anything* yet, and that's getting on my tits.

When I was visiting my mom in the States, she asked me if any children me and Steve had would be dual-citizen. She then followed it up with 'I'm not pressuring you guys into anything', which I know she isn't, but I'm getting antsy about moving things forward. Funny this, since normally I *loathe* change, but this feeling I have is one of the strongest ones I've had in my entire life--it's not a 'I want a baby because they're cute and I can buy cute stuff and shit, it'll be bitching'. It's a 'I can't explain this, but I *need* to have a child of my own in my life, and I want to have that with the person I married' type of thing. And even then, I can't explain it all that well, but that's pretty much par for the course I suppose.

Why can't I just be content with a cat? Life would be so much simpler that way :(

~Tams
whitenoise: (Default)
My druid got 'the Explorer' title yesterday. So, she's Sacagawea the Explorer--I decided when she was a wee little level 1 moo druid that she would get that title. I had to explain to Steve why I did it, even though my reasoning is kinda lame. But, it was an easy enough title to get, even without having epic flying form (600 gold short, wewt for new, prettier flying form since tauren regular flying form is fugly).

I am now working on my timbermaw rep for my mage in case they get blown up in Cataclysm. I'm thinking Alyzabeth the Diplomat might be a nice change of pace since I already have the Mag'har to Exalted. But, I keep running into other 80s doing the grind as well, so I need to find a weird time to do it without a lot of people around : /

And we have three copies of Cataclysm pre-ordered through play.com. We did put our names down for pre-orders at Gamestation, but they didn't take any money nor did they even have it all down in the computer yet (they were having everyone put their info on paper first), so screw them. At least the RM will deliver it on the day it ships out (which they did when WOTLK came out).

~Tams

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