Jun. 25th, 2010

25.06.10

Jun. 25th, 2010 02:36 pm
whitenoise: (mstk2)
I'm still here, just not very vocal : /

Going to Yarmouth tomorrow with the kids--3-4 hrs back and forth. It'll be interesting since we're leaving at 6am, and I'm praying we don't have any dramas/fighting. I will seriously slap a bitch if that happens.

I hate the heat here in the Midlands--compared to where I lived in the US, it's humid as shit. I'd kill for a dry heat (dry being subjective of course), and I'd kill to not wake up with my entire head ready to explode. Thankfully I have a huge stash of US drugs to tide me through the summer since everything from the UK makes me feel even worse.

I'm expecting another care package after the first of the month. I'll be getting Chicken in a Biscuit thingies, and Wheat Thins, and all that good stuff. My mom fucking rocks since it costs her upwards of 50 bucks a package, but she knows I miss my junk food.

It's just slightly depressing when I have to hoard my boxes of Cheezits like they're fucking gold. I'm tired of trying to explain things to Steve, to see if they even have UK equivalents of what I'm used to. I'm sick of Steve's mates playing 20 questions while trying to explain things to me, to make sure we're thinking of the same thing. I'm tired of only being able to talk to my mom twice a week, and I miss her cooking--when she mentions what she's making for dinner, I just get kinda sad panda.

I love Steve to bits, don't get me wrong--but if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here. Ever. And maybe I'd be perfectly content with that. Or, if it wasn't for the kids (as much as they're awesome), he would of found a way to come to the US. He's fed up with England--he's fed up with working his ass off, and then working even longer and harder to bail out irresponsible governments. The same thing is happening in the US as well, but he's just sick of a lot of things over here, and he says he'd find it much easier to adjust to the US than I have adjusting to the UK.

I'm already planning out my next trip to the States, but it'll be a little meh since we'll have Ella with us. I sometimes sit and think back to the way things used to be, and as miserable as I was at times, living with my mom was pretty awesome as well. But the nature of my relationship with Steve is I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't--and I need to accept that. It's no one's fault, and not really a case of fault, just saddness really. I'll always feel like a little part of me is back in the States, just because that's how I am.

I think the heat is getting to me. Sad that 70 is considered 'hot', but being stoned on Benadryl doesn't help my chain of thoughts either.

*off to play WoW*

~Tams

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