On The Verge of Something Wonderful...

A few months ago, I started going purely friend's-only for my entries. And I don't really have a distinct place to mention that, so yeah, I'm friend's only. Comment here to be added if you know me from somewhere (and please say where--WoW, someplace I frequent online, whatever).

I think managing to avoid getting the cold or flu for 2 years living in the UK was a pretty decent run of my immune system. I've had a few stomach bugs since moving here, and allergy stuff, but nothing major. And this isn't major either, just fucking annoying--I hate not being able to breathe properly. I have to sleep propped up, and I keep waking up because I can't breathe properly--fail. I think Steve has it now too, he was starting to sound kinda bad last night and was stuffy this morning, but I think he'll take this compared to a flare up. Problem is, the other manager is on holiday for 4 weeks in Poland (wtf?) so Steve can't really take any time off of work, but hopefully it'll have burnt itself out by Monday for him.

We're trying to convince Aidan not to come over this weekend. Iain won't because he's lazy, Ella's staying home since she hurt her ankle and needs to keep off of it for a few days, but Aidan still wants to come around despite this being the house of the black death. He says he doesn't care if he gets sick (what kid really doesn't) but I don't think Linzi would like it, and as much as I detest her, I don't like getting other people sick. Steve's going to have a word with him after work and chances are he'll just stay at his mom's--it's not like we'll be doing anything extraordinary this weekend anyway -.-

But, on top of being stuffy, I started PMSing bad the other day. So, it's like my body is doing all it's bad stuff in one go, which is nice I suppose, I'd hate for my cold to get better but then I start doing my monthly thing. I've started keeping track of it on google calendar since, while it's regular, I oftentimes have to sit and really think about when my cycle is (doctors just love it when I do that). So, I just keep tabs on it on my calendar so I can have some idea. It's fairly regular at least, and while we haven't technically be trying for a baby recently (I won't go into details why, it's just something kinda outside of our control) I'm still a bit miffed it came on. But, whatever I guess.

I'm trying to decide if I want to read Dune again. It's been a while since I last read it, but I also need to make a dent in my Wheel of Time series. Urgh, choices. But I have the urge for some space drama, and I have the soundtrack, and I don't know. God, me and my horrible problems in life, I don't know how I do it sometimes :P

I also quietly removed some people from my friend's list. Just couldn't really be arsed anymore, it was more trouble than it was worth. Wish them the best of luck I suppose, but I wasn't feeling particularly comfortable on LJ anymore because of it. The end.

30 Day Blog Challenge--Topic #4: Your Favorite Movie

Because I can't pick anything as a favorite to save my life, I'll put this in a top five format--except they're in no particular order.

1.) Lord of the Rings: I don't think a lot needs to be said here. One of those movies that I find almost absolutely flawless, and one that gives the novel it's based on a run for its money (most movies based on books are shite). As a teenager, it introduced me to Tolkien's work, which I wasn't familiar with at the time for a variety of reasons, biggest among them being that I must of had a very sheltered childhood. It wasn't that I didn't read--on the contrary, I read loads. It just wasn't a book I had tried to read until I saw the movie, and now I think I have like 3 copies of it somehow.

2.) Kill Bill Vol. 1: I know it's really, at it's core, a senseless movie. The plot is a bit thin, but a part of me loves the mindless violence in it. I may not be Tarantino's biggest fan, but the movie is beautifully filmed, the actors are strong, and the music is top-notch. It's one of those movies that I can just watch and get lost in--a bit like reading Stephen King. It may not be 'thought provoking' or 'deep' but it's damn fun.

3.) Shogun: This was filmed a long time ago, but I remember watching it as a kid and being amazed at how epic it was. My mom is a big fan of James Clavell's work and taped the movie on VHS (omg, that was a long time ago) and even as a kid I really got into it. I didn't always understand what was happening, but it's a movie I could watch over and over and never get tired of it.

4.) Night of the Living Dead (original): Another movie from my teenage years. I first saw it when they played it on the Sci Fi channel, and it was the rare movie that genuinely creeped me out. It was low budget, in black and white, and a few of the scenes were a little gratutitous and cheesy, but George Romero pulled it off. The entire premise of having a group of people stuck out in the country, in a rickety old farmhouse with zombies trying to get in was bloody scary--especially since they had little defenses, bickering between the survivors, and the ending just made me facepalm (I won't spoil it, even though I think most people have seen it by now). It wasn't a pretty film, but the black and white is what made it even scarier IMO, and like the others on this list, I don't get tired of watching it.

5.) The Descent: A more modern horror film, of the British variety (the director also directed Dog Soldiers I believe). It plays on a lot of people's most primal fears--fear of the dark, being stuck underground, etc. While you're watching the film, you're thinking about how you'd get out of there (or if you're like me, you'd be saying 'bitch, I'd never go down there in the first place!'). It's gory, but not excessively--it's applied right where it's needed for the biggest effect. It's chaotic in places, slow in others, and if you don't jump at least once when you first see it, then you're a better person than I am.

This won't be a Blog Challenge 30 Day post today. I can't really be arsed to do anything more complex than type, and I need to go onto youtube for the next entry. Maybe tomorrow, but don't hold me to it.

I'm just going to blather on about stuff that's been happening in general. This weekend will be my amg one year anniversary of coming to the UK and I'm...meh. It doesn't particularly excite me in the way I'd expect/hope for. We may go out for dinner or something, Steve mentioned booking a table for Saturday night, for Indian or whatever. I'm not sure what we'll end up doing, and like I said, I'm very blah about it. That's not to say I'm not appreciative to be here, and to be with Steve, not at all. Maybe it's just some depressive slump where I can't really get particularly excited about *anything* /shrug

I had one of my rare moments of pure anxiety this last weekend, and it was really lame since it was all over WoW. I went to lunch with Steve's folks just fine--had a lovely time at a chinese buffet in Weston Favell (huge buttfucking shopping mall area here in Northampton). There was a bunch of people I didn't know there, but Steve didn't know them either so it was a bit easier than it'd normally be, and Steve's sister made it a point to sit near us and chat. I even got to chase after her two year old as he went running through the restaurant, and goddamn is he heavy--and it doesn't help when they wiggle either O.o With that said--still want a babeh. But that's another post.

We had our weekly raid scheduled with our guild for Sunday evening. It was Razorscale, who resides in Ulduar--a raid I've never been in save the first bit to farm love tokens during Valentine's Day (before they nerfed it). I thought it'd be fine, easy peasy--till I realized we had to go through Flame Levithan to get to Razorscale. And I hadn't ever done vehicle combat before in Ulduar. And the RL paired me up with the guild leader in one vehicle, and then I just freaked. I panicked. I got the worst hot flash ever, and I just told Steve I had to leave--I kept repeating it over and over until I just got out of my chair and ran upstairs to bed, leaving my mage logged in. Thankfully Steve sorted it all out and told them I wasn't feeling well, and once they sorted out their numbers they were able to down Razorscale. But no, I couldn't fucking handle it since I'm such a big baby, and I freaked. It seems like I'm always anxious and worried about something lately, or I'm irritiable, or whatever, and while I don't like myself like this, I also don't fancy the notion of telling a random stranger about all my problems. The only reason why I'm able to write about it here is because the internet creates that buffer zone between people that I find most comforting. Bleh. So we'll see what the weekly is this week, but I'll be pugging them from now on--no more signing up for anything with the guild for the foreseeable future.

Now time to kick Iain off the Digimon, since it's fucking eating into our bandwith >.<

~Tams

I nicked this from giddyromance, it's a 30 Day Blog Challenge. I don't know if it'll be 30 consecutive days since I generally don't use LJ/blogs on the weekends, but meh. I like the idea even if I fudge the rules a bit.

Soooo, onto the first topic: A description of you, in detail.

Oh snap, I have to talk about myself--when do I ever do that? (/sarcasm)

As many of you probably know (if you are friended to me on Facebook anyways) my name is Tammy. Though a good portion of you also refer to me as Tams (and so does Steve and the kids), so I will answer to that. I was born on May 22nd, 1985 in San Jose, California--both of my parents were in their second marriages at the time, and in their mid-thirties when they had me. As such, I magically became an only child, but thankfully I was too shy and introvert to care whether or not I had siblings. I much prefered/prefer it that way, if only because it gave me a relatively quiet childhood. Woot.

When I was 8, we moved from California to the suburbs outside Portland, Oregon. My dad got a job transfer out there, and much of my mom's family had already moved into that area for their own jobs, so it was quite a natural progression. Starting a new school during second grade was terrifying--I remember how shy I was, and how scary the other kids were--unfortunately those thoughts didn't stay behind in my childhood *frowny face*

When I was 9, my dad passed away from a massive heart attack. I won't go into the details much except that I was the first one to find him, and I think that despite my denials, that has affected me in a much larger way than I could of ever imagined. But I also don't consciously dwell on it since that's silly--but it's probably responsible for starting a lot of the problems I had today. Ironically enough, the anniversary of his death is September 3rd--the anniversary of my arrival in the UK is September 4th. But that wasn't really intentional, just a convenient flight really. When my dad died, me and my mom moved in with my aunt, and moved into a huge 5 bedroom house so everyone wasn't stepping on each others toes and we could all have seperate bedrooms (my cousin also lived with us at the time, so it was a bit cramped in her three bedroom place).

Things were pretty uneventful from that point. I went to school, had a couple friends but really I just kept to myself. I never went to a 'proper' college mainly since I didn't think I'd ever be good enough to get into one--a common habit of mine is to second guess myself unfortunately. Plus I didn't want to waste the money/get loans for something that wouldn't benefit me in the end, and I realized the major I wanted (English) would keep me in retail hell for the rest of my life since I really couldn't think of anything practical I wanted to do with it. I graduated high school with little fanfare, bummed around for a couple years unsuccessfully trying to get jobs (I am *horrible* with interviews, urgh). I had a LDR with someone from Texas for about a year or so which ended in a huge ball of fail--he was tired of dicking around with our relationship, and I was tired of it as well. Not to say I'm peaches and cream to be with, but I felt I was putting in way more effort than he was, and he decided it was a better option to drive to California to fuck a 16 year old than it was to continue on with me. Which all worked out in the end since he really is a pretentious cock and I think we would of murdered each other had we hooked up.

Shortly after the end of that relationship, I threw myself into a technical school. I had put it off once before because of my relationship with the boy from Texas--I didn't want to tie myself down to Oregon. But now that that was over, I decided to finally go for it--they had a 7 month medical assisting course which I signed up for. I graduated with a 4.0 and Perfect Attendance, but never ended up getting a medical assisting job since the school sucked and my externship sucked and I sucked. I did get certified though, but a lot of good that does me now.

In the midst of all this, I had another short-lived fail relationship (when the bloke admits he cheated on his last girl 10+ times you should probably run away, but I was desperate v.v). Then I started talking to a good friend of mine again, as he made his online presence more known. I had this British friend since I was 16 when I used to roleplay online--we exchanged brief conversations over the course of 4 or 5 years, but nothing major due to the time difference (8+ hours) and him working all the time. He told me his wife was leaving and getting a divorce and taking the kids with her--to say I was a bit shocked is an understatement. As far as I had understood the last I had spoken with him, things were peachy keen, and now they were divorcing. I was sad since they had *seemed* happy, but I tried to help him as best as I could. Over time we talked more and more, and we actually made it a point to talk to each other--he'd make time before going to work to chat with me, I'd send him emails while he was at work, etc. I even gave him my cell phone number which he then left a voicemail on while he was at work--and I think that first move was vitally important. It gave me a real tangible connection with this person I had been talking to for years, and why the fuck did it matter so much anyway, he was just a friend.

As we all well know, Steve did end up coming over to the US in 2006 to visit, to break the ice and all that jazz. And it's been going strong ever since, over 5,000 miles, 8 hour time differences, age differences and all that (he's 39, I'm 25). It wasn't easy by any means--I cried enough tears at airports and had enough painful goodbyes to last a good long while. There were so many times where I didn't think we'd make it this far, that there was all this crap in the way, but like Steve says when he wants something he gets it. And that I should adopt that attitude as well, but I'm far more pessimistic than he is.

We were married on May 27th, 2009 in Oregon. I got my spousal visa at the beginning of July, and moved over to the UK in September. It's been bloody hard--my brain hasn't caught up with the fact that I'm actually *living* with him, that I see him every day. I miss my mom so bad though, and if I could have it my way I'd have both of them with me. England is incredibly hard to adjust to as a resident--little things piss me off, or don't make sense to me and I find myself trying to figure them out and it angers me. But it might be one of those things that time will heal. I still have a lot of issues to work through, and I go through my tough spells.

In my spare time, I play World of Warcraft (duh), read, write--very boring things really. But maybe I'm just a boring, quiet person. I do enjoy my time alone--I don't need someone there 24/7 to entertain me, but that's not to say I don't get lonely sometimes. I also like cats I guess? I left one in the States (Pepper) who died this last February after 17 years (goddamn he was kinda old); I have one here as well (Gahzbag) who's a bastard as well, but I love him to pieces. If I had it my way he'd be indoors all the time, but the English have some weird thing where if you suggest that, they look at you like you have fucking leprosy >.<

Now I've run out of things to say kinda. I guess all of that is me in a nutshell--I could go into loads of more angsty crap but not today.

~Tams

Oh balls, guess who can't sleep again? *raises hand*

Mmmk. In brief RL news, Steve will be heading to Glasgow next week for a couple days--his secretary and PA (well, not really *his* personally but it still sounds awesome) are making all the arrangements. The week after that will be either Leeds or Brighton (or both), so meh. Iain's friend is coming back from holiday next week, so he mentioned maybe stopping around his mom's for the couple days since she lives closer to this friend than we do. The big thing is Iain likes to take his laptop around to his friend's house, but Steve won't let him walk all the way up there with a huge laptop bag in tow, so yeah. One can only hope, since he might drive me to distraction after 48 hours of just the two of us.

It's a little under a month before my one year anniversary of living in the UK...and I'm a bit meh about it really. I still haven't developed a really great relationship with England--I don't think it's still sunk in that I'm actually *with* Steve. That part is fucking awesome, it's just everything else around it that I'm lukewarm about. I still don't feel like I fit in, I'm still scared to leave the house, and really...I can't be arsed. I almost don't care about it, except how it might possibly affect my marriage. Otherwise, I don't really give two shits, since caring requires an effort I'm not willing to extend at the moment. My ideal world would be one in which I get a shiny green pill every day, but I don't think it'll be that easy to get one. I can't even really be arsed to go into the doctor, not that she works very often anyway. But yeah, Steve--I <3 him to death. England--we need to work on it.

In WoW news, I now have epic flying on all 4 of my level 80s. I figured it might be wise to hunker down and do it since we'll be able to fly in Cataclysm. It actually wasn't that painful between doing dailies and selling some stuff on the AH, and now it's done and I can get on with fun stuff.

I still want t10 on my mage--but I don't think I'll ever get enough frosties for that. With that said, I found some bollocks and signed up for my guild's ICC 10 man for this Friday. They'll start with Marrowgar and *try* to get to the Blood Princes, and while I'm terrified of failing, I'm also tired of just sitting on the sidelines. Steve's coming with me on his pally, who might become his new main with Cataclysm, so fingers crossed I don't wipe our raid out on Friday. I'm also signed as a reserve for Saturday, so yeah.

~Tams

I suppose I should write something here. I'm alive, I think? Just can't be arsed to write much, since nothing really happens that's worthy of me writing about. Steve's going to go to Glasgow and Edinburgh for work within the next couple of weeks--and he's thinking they'll want him out for 3-4 days or maybe even a week. Iain mentioned something about staying here for the week, since it's likely it'll still be summer holidays for him. I'll slit my throat if he does, urgh. I think me and the cat by ourselves could get on quite well.

Waiting on the delivery peeps to bring our new refridgerator today. I like the whole 12-6pm window they have, that's so specific when dealing with frozen food that we had to send to Steve's ex-wife's house for the day since we had to defrost ours. And we have the kids tonight. And they seriously need to go back to school, fucking lazy pricks the whole lot of them. Thankfully we'll be doing back to school shopping soon, September can't really come fast enough--not that I'm wishing away my life, I'd hate to do that :(

Oh, and WoW. Still doing that too.

~Tams

I'm still here, just not very vocal : /

Going to Yarmouth tomorrow with the kids--3-4 hrs back and forth. It'll be interesting since we're leaving at 6am, and I'm praying we don't have any dramas/fighting. I will seriously slap a bitch if that happens.

I hate the heat here in the Midlands--compared to where I lived in the US, it's humid as shit. I'd kill for a dry heat (dry being subjective of course), and I'd kill to not wake up with my entire head ready to explode. Thankfully I have a huge stash of US drugs to tide me through the summer since everything from the UK makes me feel even worse.

I'm expecting another care package after the first of the month. I'll be getting Chicken in a Biscuit thingies, and Wheat Thins, and all that good stuff. My mom fucking rocks since it costs her upwards of 50 bucks a package, but she knows I miss my junk food.

It's just slightly depressing when I have to hoard my boxes of Cheezits like they're fucking gold. I'm tired of trying to explain things to Steve, to see if they even have UK equivalents of what I'm used to. I'm sick of Steve's mates playing 20 questions while trying to explain things to me, to make sure we're thinking of the same thing. I'm tired of only being able to talk to my mom twice a week, and I miss her cooking--when she mentions what she's making for dinner, I just get kinda sad panda.

I love Steve to bits, don't get me wrong--but if it weren't for him, I wouldn't be here. Ever. And maybe I'd be perfectly content with that. Or, if it wasn't for the kids (as much as they're awesome), he would of found a way to come to the US. He's fed up with England--he's fed up with working his ass off, and then working even longer and harder to bail out irresponsible governments. The same thing is happening in the US as well, but he's just sick of a lot of things over here, and he says he'd find it much easier to adjust to the US than I have adjusting to the UK.

I'm already planning out my next trip to the States, but it'll be a little meh since we'll have Ella with us. I sometimes sit and think back to the way things used to be, and as miserable as I was at times, living with my mom was pretty awesome as well. But the nature of my relationship with Steve is I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't--and I need to accept that. It's no one's fault, and not really a case of fault, just saddness really. I'll always feel like a little part of me is back in the States, just because that's how I am.

I think the heat is getting to me. Sad that 70 is considered 'hot', but being stoned on Benadryl doesn't help my chain of thoughts either.

*off to play WoW*

~Tams

Epic fail on Saturday night--Steve threw his back out when we were out at the pub. We were sat outside in the beer garden at picnic tables when it started to piss down rain and lightning--so we went to get up and go outside. While doing so, he twisted his back wrong, but he brushed it off since it twinges every so often and it's usually no big deal. But, it got worse as the night went on, and we had to leave early since it was really starting to play up.

Cue Steve on the floor since he had a spasm when he tried to lay down and rolled off the bed to relieve it--thankfully Ella's mattress is down there, so he was able to sleep on that relatively comfortably. He was hurting so bad he finally called 999 since he couldn't get through to After Hours care, and a couple hours later they dispatched a paramedic who did what he could--he tried to do some leg tests (i.e. bringing Steve's knees up to his chest, etc) but it was too painful, even after he gave him some laughing gas to try and relax him. So, the paramedic prescribed some diazepam (which Steve loves since he uses it go to go the dentist with), codeine for the pain, and diclofenac for the inflammation. I'm not sure if he's going to go see a GP or not even though the paramedic recommended he do so--it's one of those things that has to clear up on its own. With that said, we may have to go anyway so he can get a note from his doctor for work, since he can't picture being able to go back in until the middle of the week.

So now we're upstairs since he can't sit at his desk, but I brought his laptop up so he could play WoW. He got my old laptop working again (for the time being) but I'm not playing WoW or anything on it since my UI would be all fucked anyway. But egads, I was so scared for him Saturday night since I've never seen him in such agony before, but the meds seem to be doing their job and Steve seems pretty optimistic about the whole thing. Thankfully this has only played up twice in the last 15 years, and we both might try to make appointments tomorrow with Dr. Davies since I need to go back for a follow up after my blood pressure/ECG results.

Speaking of doctors, my pap smear went fairly well last week--it was all done in five minutes, and it didn't hurt as much as last time. The nurse was fairly nice, but I'm kicking myself since I told her to shred the letter they sent in the post when I should of kept it for Ye Olde All Might UKBA, but meh.

Words, and stuff.

~Tams

Herp derp.

So yeah, the BP machines they use at the surgery don't like me, and couldn't get a reading. Instead of using a manual cuff (oh noes), the doctor scheduled an ECG today for me since that can give you a BP reading, along with checking for heart murmurs and shit. None of my doctors in the US ever said anything, and they never had a problem finding my BP on a manual cuff, but whatever. She's not terribly concerned since my pulse seemed normal (she said there was a couple skips but everything was within normal ranges), but she also can't do anything much until she gets a baseline BP. So, that's at 2pm, but I'll head out at 1 so I can poke around Boots--it only takes like 5 minutes max to get to the surgery, which is pretty awesome.

I also have my Pap smear scheduled for next Thursday at 2pm. I'm *so* looking forward to it, but I need to do it, and I won't need another one for 3 years, so I'll get it out of the way. Like the doctor said, it'll take some time for me to build a medical record in the UK, but she's incredibly nice so that's a plus.

Speaking of the doctor, Steve needs to schedule his blood work--I think he's planning that for the 11th, since he took the day off to do his MOT. It'll be an expensive month between MOT and Road Tax, but nothing he can't handle I suppose. We're also thinking about rescheduling Yarmouth, since I think both of us need a quiet weekend--especially since his certification test is next Friday. No skin off my nose, it's not like there isn't plenty of summer left.

And, Taco Bell down London-way. One of these days it better make it's way up to Northampton at least, that's pretty ghey otherwise :(

~Tams